Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Alpha Cook

A few months ago, I mentioned Nat in one of my blog posts. Nat bartended at Felicia's for a year, i mean, two years, maybe three; it's a bit of a drunken blur. Upon her hire, at least once she started speaking to people and making eye contact with her co-workers (which only took a few short months), Nat quickly made the successful transition from coffee wench - ahem - barista - to become a real-deal bartender at Felicia's. While she was shy about creating new drinks, Nat was a true connesseiur of classic cocktails as well as high-end scotches and bourbons.

Which is why I was shocked at the crap she gave us when she abandoned us for a "better life" in San Francisco. First, let me explain to you that Nat may have loved all of us, but she hated Ithaca. She could never clearly explain why, other than the usual complaints about the cold, snow and lack of sunshine. Maybe that was enough. C'mon, Nat, three inches of ice encrusting the windshield, gray skies every day and little frostbite never hurt anyone, did it? Nat's going away present from us was an "Ithaca is Stupid" t-shirt. Our good-bye gift from her was a box of useless crap.

You can see some of it in the photo above. This stuff was in Box of Crap #1. Nat had asked earlier that day, "Would you like a French press?" and we received an entire box of crap with the French press. The box's contents boasted florescent red Creme de Almond, a virtually empty bottle of Creme de Cacao, a little Carolans Irish Creme, an evil bag of ready-to-bake muffin mix, some Blackberry Brandy, a small bottle of sake, a container of ground cinnamon, and a handful of miniature Three Musketeers. We graciously accepted the whole box, mainly because of the Three Musketeers. When I asked Nat why she had all of these cheap bottles of Creme de Crap she answered that she and Kelly had bought them during their "creamy dessert drink phase," which would have caused me severe indigestion had she divulged any more details.

The next day when I arrived at the Lounge, I found Box of Crap #2 waiting for me. In addition to a bottle of limoncello, its contents included half-used condiments, like olive paste with truffle oil, horseradish mustard, Hershey's Syrup, Thai chili paste and butter. This was my reward for being gracious the day before. I do know this: we gave her a damn good bottle of scotch that certainly did NOT get left behind, at least not in one of the Boxes that was left for us. Dang.

Do I sound bitter? Maybe I am. We lost a great bartender and two of our good friends moved far, far away to the West coast. But I should not complain about the Boxes of Crap. We got a solid French press out of the deal, and I enjoyed the sake. I re-gifted a few things: Mum got the Blackberry Brandy. Michelle took the ready-to-bake muffin mix (which Nat likes to refer to as "the gift that keeps on sitting," perhaps better called "the gift that keeps re-gifting.") Nat also redeemed herself by leaving a few cigars on the office desk, which disappeared quickly, probably into the pocket of Guy. We miss Nat, and we can forgive her for leaving us with her excess crap. Why would one bother to haul a half-empty bottle of Hershey's Syrup from New York to San Francisco? And yet one feels guilty throwing away something that someone else could eat. Or drink.

So Nat, we will not hold it over your head that you dumped Boxes of Crap #1 and #2 on our laps. However, the demise of the beloved coffee maker at the Lounge is another story altogether, that shall be told on another day, over a bottle of expensive scotch, and held over your head with much weeping and moaning and gnashing of teeth until you beg for mercy. Then we will all hug.

You can read all about Nat's warm and sunny adventures in San Francisco on her blog, Alpha Cook. Nat has promised us that she will never visit Ithaca, which means Road Trip! San Francisco is in our future.


Woodrow said...

and all this time i have been wondering where that bottle of creme de almond came from.....

Drinkapotamus said...

oh, i see you have a typo...where you wrote useless, i'm sure you meant "priceless." a priceless box of crap. you should feel honored. i still can't believe i got rid of my favorite bottle of creme de nasty. maybe you could mail it to me--i'll swap you for that gold wine tote.